even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
