Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
