cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
