There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
