I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
