it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
