my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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