It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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