when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
