It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
