it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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