The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
