upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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