why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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