Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
