Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
