Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They have beer where we have blood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
