There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
