I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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