bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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