thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
