Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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