The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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