You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
