hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Bring me that man meat
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
