ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
