ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
