I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize