So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
