I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
the raccoons are back...
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