Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
