Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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