no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
