Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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