My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
