i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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