So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
