MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
