you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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