Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Someone shit on the floor
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
