I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
