You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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