I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
