dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
