Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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