i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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