apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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