I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
