Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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