It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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