We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
