Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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