you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
