Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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