Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
