I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
