Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
