I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
