the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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