i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
