Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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