We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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