Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
