when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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